In the recent months or years, relationship between Southeast Asian countries has been spiced up to a whole new level. Below is how I see the origin of conflicts.

Myanmar - we are moving progressively towards a democratic system and ASEAN agrees with us. Suu Kyi is free? Go arrest her again.

Thailand - it's not our fault. We are a peaceful nation. Those troubles in the south are caused by Malaysia, in the west, Myanmar, in the north China and in the east Cambodia and Laos! Thai tea anyone?

Laos - we're Communist and we're poor. So, we'll keep our mouth shut and let you Capitalist pigs do your work. We also kick every Laotian that disagrees with our chairman. Just shut up and we won't kick you to kingdom come.

Vietnam - Spratly is ours! We've proven that by confronting the Chinese navy! Want shrimp? You can't impose tariff on us! We are not dumping!

Cambodia - we love revolutions! Viva la revolucion!

Malaysia - we are probably the second richest after those bloody kiasunistic Singaporeans (we'll be first, don't worry lah) but why does everybody hate us? Before you answer that, could we have Sipadan and Ligitan? Oh, and Ambalat too. Along with Pulau Batu Putih and Spratly. Hey Brunei, want to join the Federation? Hey Aceh, we'll treat you better than Jakarta if you'd just join us. Can we have Pattani too?

Brunei - oil, oil, oil. Who needs democracy when you have all the oil in the world?

Singapore - we are richer than you, better than you and most likely sexier than you but can we have that water for free please? No? Oh come on! Quit being a bitch. Just give it to us for free. Why are you so like that one?

Indonesia - this oil subsidy is costing us gazillion of Rupiahs. We can't afford it but Indonesians will hate us if we remove it. We need scapegoats. Hey Malaysia, quit treating us like that! Australia you racist white man! Timor you foul betrayer! America you devil! All of you are stinking imperialists! Rise Indonesia rise! For Indonesia Raya!

Philippines - die rebels die! Hmm... Killing these rebels are tougher than it ought to be. Oh, no. More demostration?

Timor Laste - help! Gankers are everywhere!

Sekian, terima kasih.

p/s - Happy Earth Day Earthy. I'm not refering to myself of course.


Save the blue sky!